*Lofty
Critical After Horror Smash*
Two or three people were in shock yesterday after news emerged that popular
BN wildcard, and much loved heel, Lofty was in critical condition after
a cycling accident while hollidaying in the south east coast of France.
Details
as yet are unclear how the frightening incident happened but witnesses
interviewed on the scene reported hearing 'cow like noises' before seeing
Sprats bike leave the road at high speed before colliding with several
nearby hobo's followed by a well placed tree.
Events
leading up to the accident are still unclear however many reports reaching
ButtNuggetCrew.com say that the wayward BNCrew member appeared to be intoxicated
and was rambling incoherently when he boarded his push bike at approximately
5:15 PM. It is understood he forcefully requisitioned some alcohol from
some nearby underage, down on their luck children sometime around six
who were about to be even more down on their luck as he beat several of
them within inches of their lives with the aid of a nearby zucchini. The
hilarious accident happened sometime shortly thereafter.
Experts
on the scene say that Spartacus was lucky to have survived and had it
not been for the hobo's and the
tree he most likely would have been dead, many locals wished he was.
In
a bizarre statement on Dr. Leo's official website late last night the
Dr. said the following, "I don't care what you think about my beard
I'm probably in college or something", Stoo "The Rape Ape"
laughed profusely.
The
official Lofty fan club has refused to comment on the situation however
it is expected that ButtNuggetCrew.com & world renown spin doctor
Johnny St.Ledger will issue a joined statement possibly declaring that
this never actually happened. Gibbo was unavailable for comment.
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