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In
the year following Babykill Dr. Leo and the Psychologist Ceb spent much
of the time hanging out in the Sushi Recording studios waiting for house
parties to start so they could present their new material. A highlight
of this era was the debut of "The Rapists" at Iano Mincers house
party, this is also the only known time where females actually danced
to a BN Crew song.
Following
the chick dancing incident productivity dwindled somewhat although the
Crew still managed to produce a second album "Where Did It All Go
Wrong". This offering was almost all hip-hop with an extremely raw
sound. The album featured a host of hidden talent within the crew including
Aido, Double B, The Muinteoir, Meanologue, Hambone and Muttonhead. The
album is credited as killing most of their music careers.
Sales of this were also extremely poor as
Ceb only made 20 copies and literally couldn't give them away, in his
own words he used most of them to "fix a wobbly chair".
In
early 2006 work began on the follow up album "Clockwork Idiots",
Dr. Edgewild and Ceb laid down three tracks in one session, this was followed
by more recording sessions finally reuniting Ceb & Dr. Leo on 'Ballsack
Itchin'. Currently the album remains incomplete with 15 tracks recorded*,
many of which are just Ceb having the buzz and spitting out old school
gibber jabber over self produced beats.
Currently
there are 5 recorded yet not uploaded tracks that should finalise"Clockwork
Idiots", the later sound is a relatively sample free home grown electronic
affair with the same old lyrics thrown over it.
BN
Crew are a band who often seem obsolete and forgotten but sporadically
churn a track or two out and every decade or so have enough material to
splice an album together, this is unlikely to change.
*The First Wikipedia Entry - Possibly 2007*
The BN Crew are a band from North Dublin,
Ireland. They formed in 1997 when original members, Uncle D (Dr. Edgewild),
Ruddy J (Ceb) and Dr. Leo (actual doctor) put together the album Tippin'
the Cow (1997).
The album was basically a mix of Hip hop samples
with a humorous edge. At that time, the Dublin hip hop scene was mainly
American influenced lyrics and beats, with the possible exception of Scary
Éire who were the leaders in Irish hip hop at the time. The album
achieved only underground success, mainly being publicised through word
of mouth.
The
BN Crew played live shows at house parties and impromptu concerts set up
in parks across Dublin. Their lyrics attracted some media attention, mainly
negative but no record company would touch them so they touched themselves.
Repeatedly. They continued pressing their own records throughout the latter
part of the 1990s and into the new millennium with limited success, paying
just enough to keep the band together and producing music.
2005 was a huge year for BN Crew after 3 years
of very limited production as conflict within the band saw a dip in the
quality of production on BN tracks. This is the year which saw the release
of "Magic Lung" and "It could be worse", both of which
proved to be major successes for the BN, the double A side single making
it into the Irish charts at number 34, impressive for an unsigned act produced
from inside a wardrobe for some reason.
Critics branded crew's first album "upsetting".
In October of 2005, BN Crew reached a national
audience as they appeared on krinnus, an Irish language program on TG4,
an Irish language station broadcast across Ireland. On this program, they
played their original single BabyKill, which is scheduled for re-release
in January 2006. It is believed that all members of the audience that day
later killed themselves.
After the buzz surrounding the multi-selling 'Where
did it all go wrong?' the crew's popularity dwindled and it's fanbase slumped
to roughly three people. Regardless of this the crew have continued working
on new material and have been known to make appearances at local record
signings of other more popular bands. Sources have indicated that BN Crew
plan to release their long awaited follow up album 'Clockwork idiots' sometime
in 2015, great.
*The Incomplete Full Story By Hoffman McQueen - Possibly
2001*
It all started way back in 1991. Irwin R. Schyster
was president, the advent of colour television brought new excitement to
peoples otherwise dull lives and a fledgling band from the white ghetto
area of Dubh Linn were about to break down the walls of a dying music scene.
That band were the Buttnuggets Crew - later to become the BNC. This is their
courageous story.
Fresh from a night of drug abuse, three young men
became tired of the non-stop shit that assaulted their ears on the radio
every day. The first of these was Cebral, later to change his name to Shakira
and then back again within moments. He was an unemployed exotic dancer looking
for work and a change of lifestyle. He was to become the creative force
behind the BN Crew.
Dr. Leo Hernandez was his partner in crime/rhyme
and between them had amassed well over three song writing credits before
they had even met each other and, bizarrely, before they had ever written
a song. These hits included Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" and
Rodney King's "White Supremacy". Dr. Leo was a Latino kid who
had grown up in a racist area of Marino known as 'South Central'. His Hispanic
background shows itself in his unique style of flow known in certain circles
as 'Latino Heat'.
The
last member present on that fateful night was Doctor Edgewild, a fabled
nazi sympathiser and media pundit. His overtly racist attitude and constant
need for rebellion often led to conflict with Dr. Leo, often leading to
savage beatings.
These
three were to be the backbone of the BN Crew in it's early days and were
responsible for their first album; the eclectic "Tippin' the Cow".
A mix of urban junglist beats and big band style anthems. Upon it's release,
"Tippin'" became an instant classic outselling its nearest chart
rival (Guns n Roses - Use your Illusion II) by almost three to one. It secured
the number one spot on the 5th of August 1993 and stayed on top of the charts
for three months before finally being unseated from its throne by Chacka
Demus and Pliers with their hit "Times new roman".
During
this time, singles such as "Alcopop" and "Fuck you &
the whore you rode in on" gained infamy as the first songs to appear
on national radio to deal with the subjects of underage drinking and prostitution.
Amazingly, it wasn't until January of 1994 that people realised that the
lyrics were in fact in favour of both and indeed promoting both as acceptable
activities in which to be involved. The streets were flooded with underage
drinkers and underage hookers, much to the excitement of the members of
the BN Crew. However not everybody enjoyed this new 'Golden Age'.
Music stores right across the nation tore down
BN crew posters from their walls. CDs were collected and burned in mass
burnings led by the 'Society for Understanding, Compassion and Hamhead'.
These self styled moral guardians of the nation waged war against the BNC
claiming that they were corrupting the youth and promoting unacceptable
behaviour. The BN responded to these wild accusations with ignorant force,
burning down churches, hassling shopkeepers and abusing the elderly, often
while chanting some of their now infamous war cries which included - Eoin
Hanton 2B, football and free wallet.
The public began to turn against the BN Crew, deeming
them mindless thugs. The BN responded with mindless thuggery. But it was
still clear that the BN needed some musical longevity as Dr. Leo and Dr.
Edgewild's intense creative rivalry was reaching titanic proportions.
It was a time bomb waiting to be dumped on. Cebral
saw this danger and decided to inject some new life into the throbbing veins
of the BNC. He called on his long time friend and former dance partner The
Toolbox. Toolbox had an almost unnatural rhythm and ability to spot a chart
hit in the making. Two of the BN Crew's most successful tracks "B &
Snippy" and "B's chewing tobacco" were written and produced
by Toolbox and Cebral giving the hard-core BN fanbase something new. This
year also saw the release of the now infamous "B" EP from which
the aforementioned offerings hailed.
Eoin Hanton 2B.
It was not all plain sailing for this new look
BN lineup however. Toolbox had an eating disorder which meant that he had
to have his stomach pumped and his bowels cleaned almost weekly. This was
a $4000 treatment which ate into the BN's funds considerably and caused
great tension within the band, especially among the two other original members.
To attract a younger audience, the BN employed
the help of a children's entertainer known at the time as "cool hand
Luke".
'Quickfist' as he liked to be called became the
acceptable public face of the BNC often enjoying the limelight during interviews.
He lived his life in the fast lane and became a fixture on the Hollywood
party scene, regularly chartering the BN's private jet to fly him or his
ladyfriends to a social event half way around the globe.
His striking looks and imposing physique graced
the covers of hundreds of teen girl magazines and more than a few men's
'special interest' magazines. His love of the high life however often left
him strung out on the day of an important gig, leaving his bandmates to
explain his absence to expectant fans.
The BNC, now a fivepiece needed to cement their
reputation as the greatest band on Earth with a Christmas number one, however
laziness and time off for crèche raids meant that Christmas day came
and the BN had failed to record their single "Christmas Log" in
time. It was finally recorded and released in January. It sold in record
numbers and there were many calls to move Christmas itself to coincide with
whenever the BN could be bothered to release singles.
This whole episode showed how much power the BN
had at the height of their success. Governments granted them immunity from
criminal prosecution in an attempt to harness the power of the youth vote.
The police turned a blind eye to their murderous rampages and it is even
believed that they were behind the LA riots, the Holocaust and the bog washing
of Ian Beale. In fact, many people believe that the BN are responsible for
the majority of the unexplained disappearances in the world.
Unfortunately, the high rolling life that the BN
had been leading began to take its toll on the band members and before long
tensions within the band started overshadowing the music and spilled over
into public appearances. Newspapers and music magazines around the world
got on this tension like flies on shite.
The notorious Dr. Leo, as he insisted on being
called, became involved in many other projects in 1997. His hideous face
was plastered across the music industry's most exclusive magazines. In every
interview he talked of his solo projects and other bands, referring to the
BN crew as "a bunch of soulless inbred amateurs incapable of functioning
without the notorious one" (Rolling Stone interview - 12/7/97).
Understandably the BN hit back by administering
a savage beating to seven of Dr. Leo's eight bastard sons, confining them
all to wheelchairs. Dr. Leo was at he height of his creative peak and his
Latino flows were taking the world by storm.
His infidelity to BN resulted in several reprimands
by the crew and more than one vicious assault. It is widely believed that
he received over fifty broken bones at the hands of the BN members during
the later months of 1997. It was clear that the BN were heading for difficulties.
It was around this time that the most disturbing
BN trend of all came to the fore. Due to the innovative nature of the crew's
music, several tracks featured co-collaborators from the world of hip-hop,
organised crime and pro-wrestling. These co-collaborators became known as
the BN all-stars and often attended awards shows uninvited and with the
sole intention of injuring and/or offending.
The all-stars included BN favourites like Gumpner,
Hambone, The Muinteoir and Danz, among many others. These brought an interesting
edge to the BN's music but also an interesting array of weapons with them
to public places. The re-popularisation of the knuckle duster is widely
attributed to Danz who is currently picking up dropped soap in the Tampa
Bay correctional institute.
Undoubtedly, the All-stars added a significant
creative influx to the BN and kept their sound fresh but experts agree that
they probably did more damage than they did good. The all-stars would often
gather groups of fans together from outside BN stage shows with the promise
of meeting the band. Once inside the venue, they would force these fans
(both male and female, under age and over) into unspeakable acts of depravity.
When confronted by promoters or police, they regularly used bats and chains
as a form of response. It got to the stage where they were banned from BN
gigs by the BN themselves leading to infighting amongst the originals as
to who would fill in the all-stars verses.
Dr. Leo spent most of 1998 in rehabilitation at
the 'medical facility for Latin rap meisters' in Ohio. During this time,
most of the material being released by the BN was slated by critics as dull
and unimaginative. It appeared that without Fleo's rhymes, the BNC were
nothing.
Despite a number of hit singles, 1998 was a lean
year for the BN. Quickfist Luke spent a considerable portion of that year
incarcerated and under investigation for his part in a plot to assassinate
the already dead US President John F. Kennedy. Toolbox often missed scheduled
recording sessions to reignite his love affair with the erotic dance circuit.
Dr. Edgewild, now devoid of a nemesis with Leo in traction, picked random
fights at award shows, banquets and even charity auctions. Cebral found
himself alone at press releases and public meetings, often having to explain
the absences of his bandmates to the waiting media who seemed all too eager
to turn on the once golden goose of the music business.
The fans were growing tired of the BN's renegade
ways and record sales slumped. 'Tippin the cow' became a bargain basement
filler and their videos were all but dropped from MTV's playlists. It seemed
that despite the new wave of enthusiasm that Quickfist and toolbox had brought
with them, the BN were headed for a dead end to the rollercoaster careers.
It had been three months since the members had
appeared at an official BN function together. The record buying public had
sought solace in the interchangeable pop acts which littered the billboard
top 100 charts and the BN looked like crawling back under the rocks from
which they had initially crawled out from. But help was to arrive in an
unlikely shape. The shape of a human person. His name was Lofty.
At a towering 8'11'' tall, Lofty was a star of
the NBA and a national celebrity. He had appeared in over two thousand commercials,
promoting everything from sneakers to snakeskin pants and Chinese food to
Chinese people. He, like most Americans, had been a BN fan and when he had
become disheartened with his playboy lifestyle, he would play a BN CD and
forget his troubles. He figured that he owed the BN for all the quality
music and merchandise that had assaulted his ears and drained his wallet
over the past 6 years.
He organised a wet T-shirt competition to bring
the 5 BN members together, knowing as he did the BN's love of wet stuff.
The day of the competition arrived on the 7th of May, 1999. Lofty had received
personal replies from each BN member expressing their excitement at the
impending competition. All except Quickfist who had received an invitation
to an all-male grease gathering.
As Lofty opened his car door to drive to the Georgia
HooverDome, site of the competition, three masked assailants attacked him
and beat him to the ground. Despite being parked outside the police headquarters
at the time, the police did not arrive for three and a half hours, by which
time Lofty had bled to death. The competition was cancelled in honour of
this remarkable star.
His funeral was a torrid affair with all 5 BN members
and several of the All-Stars (the BN subordinates) causing a ruckus to match
that at the funeral of Elvis Presley. The coffin was smashed over the head
of the Toolbox causing him to suffer internal haemhorraghing and eventual
brain damage. Cebral used the battered corpse of his friend to outnumber
and beat Dr. Edgewild while Dr. Leo administered the dreaded last rites
to Quickfist This was a move that the Doctor had perfected on the tough
streets of Marino whereby he would twist his victim's head through 98 degrees
(a kind of homage to his favourite band) and slam it to the pavement, in
this case the altar of the first Methodist church in New Hampshire. Police
broke up the funeral and the BN went their separate ways, bruised and battered
at each other's hands.
So, what now for the BN? Will the world ever see
the undeniable creative genius of the BN back in the charts? I posed the
question to Cebral at his cotton-picking ranch in the deep south. "Whether
we get back together or not...Well, I guess it's possible. The important
thing is that Chinese people are stopped. I mean we all like rice but every
day? What the fuck is that about? Now they want me to eat square watermelons
or some shit. Not in my town, I won't. Fuck the BN Crew. I haven't got time
for you. Fuck off home to Shanghai before I napalm your ass. They're a legit
threat, they're fucking sound, sound." Cebral has clearly suffered
the rock stars curse - he is clinically insane.
I decided to track down the other BN members to
try and make sense of some of the rumours which have been circling the BN
carcass. Dr. Leo refused to comment on a possible BN reunification but was
able to tell me that he has bedded over sixteen thousand women since the
BN crew went their separate ways. He is a salesman in 'Bedz for Less' in
Wisconsin. He still writes lyrics but is resigned to the fact that no-one
really wants to hear them.
Quickfist and Toolbox treated me to an exotic dance
and said that they had yet to be approached with the idea of a comeback
single. When I asked Toolbox if the money was right would he consider it,
he said he would do anything for money and licked his lips suggestively.
I left the 'Greasy Goujon' adult emporium and headed in search of Dr. Edgewild.
I am yet to find him as he hasn't been seen since his ill-fated trip to
the Bermuda triangle. Should you have any information whatsoever regarding
the whereabouts of him, please contact me at the above address. Any information
which results in the successful interviewing of Edgewild will be rewarded
with a credit in my forthcoming book, 'The BN - Fuck you.' |
