The Ennistigator: No Rogan, for me it was the beginning of a very dark chapter in my life.

RJ: Tell us why.

TE: I was a normal guy, enjoying my teenage years. I wouldn't say I was an angel but I wasn't a demon either. I had met some of the BNC by this stage - Danz, Ceb, probably others - but they had yet to really make an impact in my life. I was hanging out with a different group of people. Good guys. I don't remember their names or anything about them but I'm sure they do. I was particularly into Fungi the dolphin. You remember that guy?

RJ: The tourist attraction?

TE: Yeah, maybe to you but to me he represented freedom. The freedom to be a dolphin, you know? All grey and shit. Just effortlessly classy and diving around eating plankton or something.

RJ: Isn't this the same Fungi that is generally regarded as a bit of a dickhead?

TE: Who isn't Rogan? He was my idol. I tried so hard to be like him. Painted myself, got flippers and a blowhole surgically added. It still wasn't enough. I just wasn't meant for the sea. My damn legs. They just weren't up to it.

RJ: That's what lead you to...

TE: ...the end? Yeah, that was why I ended up in the baths that day.

RJ: Tell me about that day.

TE: I was a regular at the Dun Laoghaire baths. Dolphin boy. That's what they called me. I'd strap my legs up and do lengths. If I wasn't in school, I was there. Sometimes from the minute they opened right up to closing. Anything to bring me closer to Fungi.

RJ: But Fungi is a dickhead..

TE: (voice raised) You don't know Fungi! Maybe he needed those fucking wallets! Maybe those fuckers provoked him!

RJ: I'm sorry. Please, tell us about the day your life changed.

TE: I had been swimming for about six hours. The baths were pretty busy. Kids, families, a few familiar faces from the swimming competitions. I was in my element. I was channelling my inner dolphin, like, really getting in touch with what it MEANS to be a sea faring mammal.

RJ: What went wrong?

TE: I was making a turn, it was a move I'd made a thousand times before, standard beak to fin twist with dorsal thrust. I was about half way through when I felt something was wrong (voice breaks), something was very wrong.

RJ: In your own time Ennistigator.

TE: I guess, well in hindsight, I got cocky. Usually a dolphin would blow air out just before a beak to fin twist. This lightens the ballast by expelling any water in his blow hole canal. I didn't. I don't know why. I just didn't think about what I was doing.

RJ: That mistake alone wasn't enough to tip the scale of fate though, was it Ennis?

TE: No, it was only half of the ingredients required for my Lemon drizzle cake of Hellish misfortune. A fat man dived in beside me. You know the type. Jovial. Fun. The life and soul of the party. If the party was coronary heart disease, high cholesterol and imminent death. He displaced enough water to push me off course. I lost my bearings. I tried to take in the extra air I should have had available but it wasn't there thanks to my earlier mistake. Instead I inhaled chlorinated water. Then it happened. Impact. Pain. Blackness.

RJ: A newspaper report said the following - If I may..?

TE: Please, go ahead.

RJ: 'Dun Laoghaire baths has announced it is to close after a patron hurt his tooth slightly in a minor accident.'

TE: Miner? He was a fucking miner? What the fuck was he swimming for?

RJ: No, minor. Not serious, unimportant.

TE: Oh. Right. Minor? They think slightly hurting your tooth is minor?

RJ: Well, I think most people would...

TE: Most people don't know shit RJ! How could I look in the mirror? Knowing I was deformed like that. Knowing that my own wife and children wouldn't recognise me.

RJ: You weren't married nor did you have children at that time.

TE: Oh yeah? And why do you think that was? Those fucking baths! I can't even TAKE a fucking bath now. Not after what those people did to me.

RJ: What about showers?

TE: I got nothing against showers.

RJ: How did this incident bring us to the point we're at now - an emotionally stunted man child, stealing flower bed boxes for kicks?

TE: I was a lost soul. I was the man who closed the baths. Swimming lessons? Gone. Water wings? Deflated. Lifeguards? Reduced to getting jobs as fucking accountants. All. My. Fault. I was a pariah. Shops would refuse to sell to me. 'Sorry Ennis, we're all out of milk, why don't you swim to fucking China and get some?' I mean, it didn't make any sense! Ireland is way more of a milk producer per capita than China. Why China? I started living on the streets, hoping the night would take me.

RJ: But the night didn't take you. It was the BN crew instead, who took you in.

TE: Where else could a man go? I'd been to the bottom of the barrel and crashed through. What's below the bottom of the barrel? The BN Crew.

RJ: ...and you haven't looked back since?

TE: Like every member of the BN Crew, I'll forever be looking back Rogan.